And 4 things that ground conversations in life.
When a rhythm takes hold between asking a great question and telling a rich story, it’s as though we have found a deep well of insight. And when we are genuinely present and attentive to each other, we know how to draw from that well.
Presence and attentiveness concern our openness to one another. In that way they also reveal our own characters and sense of common humanity:
1. Presence — We all know what it is to be present in body but somewhere else entirely in our hearts and minds. Heck, I sure do. And there are always times when the concerns we carry elsewhere make it very difficult if not impossible to be present (and attentive). I think we just need to signal that. But when there’s no reason not to be present, our presence, or the lack of it, suggests the truth of our commitment to others and respect for them.
2. Attentiveness — It’s one thing to be present, but another to be truly attentive. I think of it as the shift from being respectful to being genuinely interested in others and willing to engage with them. Attentiveness is a respectful curiosity.
Question and story concern our openness to enquire. Yet, it’s more than that. It’s about being open to the value and meaning of experience — both ours and others’ — irrespective of how ordinary it may seem:
3. Question — Questions that probe rarely bring life to conversations. Conversations require questions that invite. Such questions welcome people and their contexts as guides to our enquiry. [PS. I call such questions, grounded questions. I have written more about them here and here. And there’s a simple guide here.]
4. Story — Stories are great ways to find clarity and convey an idea. But, again, there’s more. Stories are how we shape our identities and sense of purpose. Conversations flourish when we allow the wonder and brilliance, dignity and brokenness, and just plain messiness of people and life to shape our understanding. This is the mode of engaging with each others’ experiences and perspectives and being open to each other’s brilliance.
The interplay of presence and attentiveness centres conversation. The interplay of grounded questions and stories feeds conversation.
Of course no formula will do conversation justice. In the end, I think conversation is a disposition we bring to bring life. Presence and attentiveness, question and story, are the ways we bring life to conversations — and ground conversations in life.
Do the conversations in your workplace bring life to your work?
What would help you be more present, more attentive, more inviting in your questioning, and more willing to share and hear stories?
COMMENTS: Unfortunately I have had to turn off comments because of automated trolls filling the pages with random spurious text messages. My apologies. For those who want to interact, please email me at mark(at)markstrom(dot)co.